All of me
by Mordred Jones
Summary: After saving the city together things between Batman and Joker have been the same as ever. However, Joker has realised that isn't enough for him anymore. He wanted Batman to get to know him outside of the crime circuit. Batjokes one-shot. No sex. Also on Wattpad. Bruce Batman, Batsy and the Dark knight. Jack Joker, J-J, J-bird, Puddin', Boo-boo, J and the clown prince of crime


Joker sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. It was 4:30 in the morning and he couldn't sleep. He stared unseeingly at what was supposed to be plans for the gangs next crime spree. Somehow he couldn't see releasing all the animals from the zoo or attacking town hall with jelly bombs really cutting it. He groaned and flipped upside down in his chair to gaze at the ceiling. He just couldn't concentrate.

"I hate you forever."

Batman's deep voice echoed in his ears as he replayed that moment for the hundredth time. Joker's heart skipped a beat just thinking about it. He'd never expected Batman to actually say that to him and now that he had Joker had no idea how to deal with it. For the past couple of months things had been carrying on as normal. Joker committing crimes and Batman stopping him. As Joker got up from his seat he realised that that just wasn't enough for him anymore.

"Harley. Harley! Wake up girl buddy, it's important."

Harley Quinn opened a bleary eye to find Joker's face inches away from hers. "What is it?" she asked sleepily, her voice slurred. "I've been thinking" Joker gushed, bouncing up and down on the bed. "Do you think Batman and I need to get to know each other better? Outside of the usual fight scenario I mean. Let's face it, after over 70 years I should hope we know each other well enough in that sense by now. " Harley squinted at him.

"J-J, I only went to sleep 2 hours ago! Couldn't this have waited for a bit?"

Joker didn't seem to hear her and carried on talking. "I know it's not really the done thing between heroes and their villains but I think Batsy should really get to know me. Me outside of crime. What we have...what we are is special and I think we are mature enough to make this greatest enemies thing work. What do you think?" he asked her. Harley groaned inwardly. Normally she would be more than to help J out but she was just too tired. Next to her Poison Ivy, who had been woken up by Joker's bouncing, glared at her in a way that clearly said "Make him shut up or I'll punch him.""Boo-boo" said Harley gently "It's up to you how you handle things with Batman. If you are sure that is what you want then go for it. I'm sure he'll like you just the way you are, he'd be a fool not to. Now I really need to go back to sleep Puddin' but we can talk about it later if you want." With that she buried her head under the covers and instantly fell asleep. Finally getting the message Joker left, closing the door as quietly as he could behind him so as not to disturb them further. He paced up and don his bedroom for a while, thinking. Deciding that sleeping was hopeless at this point he went over to the giant walk-in wardrobe that he shared with Harley. It was home to all of her costumes, 57 of his purple suits (one with tails twice as long as he was tall) and a small selection of suits and everyday clothes for when they wanted to go out without attracting attention.

Half an hour later Joker was dressed in black jeans, boots ad leather jacket with a Batman t-shirt underneath. He had used a packet of Harley wash-out hair dye and made his make up a little less extreme. He looked at himself in the mirror as he made his way out of the front door. He had never tried being a brunette before, he quite liked it. He didn't now where he was going. Maybe he would get a coffee at one of those all night fast food places. As he walked along the dark streets of Gotham Jokers thoughts travelled back to Batman. He wondered what his big, bad bat was up to now.

Bruce sat behind the wheel of his car and waited for the lights to change. For once he didn't need to rush off to save the day, in fact Batman wasn't needed at all at the moment. He breathed in and out nervously, clutching the steering wheel tight. He always felt this way when he wasn't wearing his cowl but he was making an effort to try and do without it occasionally. Barbara and Alfred both thought that Robin needed to spend time with his dad without the mask on sometimes. At first Bruce thought they were crazy but after awhile he began to realise that they were right. Robin seemed more relaxed, happier. So once in a while he'd take it off for a bit. However, he still found it very difficult which is why he could be found driving alone around the streets of Gotham on quiet nights. The pressure of taking his cowl off with the others watching was still to much for him, this was his way of practicing. Alfred knew that he had problems with it but he doubted his butler really new how he felt. Without the mask the world seemed so huge and unfamiliar. He was alone and defenceless. Bruce would never let them know that though, Batman didn't do feelings. As he drove he wondered what the various criminal low lives in the city were planning. Would tonight be one of the rare quiet nights that Gotham seldom go to enjoy or would the Bat-signal be activated before the night was over? Deciding that he needed to stretch his legs Bruce parked outside a McDonalds to get a coffee. Expecting to find the place silent and empty he was surprised to hear a great deal of talking as he entered the room.

"Then he jumped across this huge gap between a couple of 50 storey buildings, landing perfectly of course, and kicked Killer Croc in the face without even stopping to catch his breath. Sure Superman can fly but that's only because he's some weird alien with freaky powers. Batman does what he does without any super powers at all in the most crime ridden city in the world. I can't see Superman managing to do that all day everyday, can you? He's just a big coward. Plus he has the most appalling fashion sense. Now Batman knows how to dress with style."  
That voice sounded very familiar. Trying not to blush Bruce looked over at the counter. A teenage girl was stood behind it, glaring at the talking custom who seemed totally oblivious to the fact that their audience wasn't the least bit interested in what they were saying. The McDonalds worker looked up and, noticing Bruce stood in the doorway, called "Can I help you?" The other custom turned to see who she was talking to and Bruce's suspicions were confirmed. Joker (Bruce could still recognise him despite the make-over) blushed scarlet. Mumbling something that no one could catch he tossed his coffee cup into a near by bin as he ran out of the door. Bruce debated whether or not he should go after him but ultimately decided against it. He didn't seem to be planning anything dangerous. Bruce bought himself a drink then headed back to the car. He was driving past the entrance to a dark alleyway when he spotted something. He stopped the car.

Joker ran out of McDonalds as fast as he could. This was definitely one of the top five most embarrassing moments of his life. He guessed it could have been worse, at least Bruce didn't know it as him. Slowing down to a walk Joker decided to head home. He turned into a dark alleyway only to find his way blocked by 2 large men. A classic mugging set up. Well they'd have to do better than that thought Joker. "Coming through" he snapped, trying to barge past. H was pushed backwards into 2 more men who had come up behind him. "You're not going anywhere" one of them growled. Joker let out a high, manic laugh. This could get messy. The 4 ruffians stood still for a couple of moments in shock, that had not been the reaction they were expecting. Then they jumped into action. The 2 behind made grab for Jokers arms as the other swung punches. They all missed. Joker lashed out, landing 3 punches and 2 punches in quick succession finishing by poking one man savagely in the eye. He made a dash for the main road but he was caught by the wrist and dragged back. As one grabbed Joker by the waist and lifted him off the ground the other attackers advanced menacingly. Joker twisted his body round suddenly, wrong footing them. This time he didn't hold back. After two sharp jabs to the ribs and being head-butted in in the nose one man had already collapsed on the ground. Pulling out the knife he had concealed in his boot Joker made quick work of 2 others. Then his luck ran out. A hand grabbed him round the throat and slammed him into the wall whilst another knocked the knife out of his hand. The man loomed over Joker, baring his teeth. Before anything else could happen there was a loud crack and the mugger fell to the floor. Joker gasped as he found him self face to face with Bruce Wayne who was holding as dustbin lid. "Alright?" Bruce grunted, tossing the bin lid aside. "Fine" Joker whispered. He was in shock and it wasn't because he had just been attacked. Bruce Wayne a.k.a Batman had just saved his life! Wow! For gods sake Joker don't swoon he told himself. Bruce went and checked over the would-be muggers who were lying on the floor. Joker massaged his sore throat then bent down to pick up his knife. "It was in self defence" he said, feeling Bruce's eyes watching him as he tucked his knife back into the hidden compartment in his boot. "I know. Besides, none of them are dead so..." Bruce shrugged instead of completing the sentence. "Bruce Wayne" he added suddenly, holding out his hand.

"Jack Napier."

They shook hands, the awkward silence not quite forgotten. "Thank you said Jack shyly as they made their way out the alleyway together. He smiled at Bruce then turned to leave. "Wait" Bruce called. Jack stopped dead. This was it. Back to Arkham for him. He felt a hand on his shoulder as Bruce turned Jack round to face him. "You're hurt" Bruce said. He ran his thumb along Jack's bottom lip were a freshly made cut oozed blood. Jack gazed dreamily into Bruce's eyes and willed himself not to faint.  
"I've had worse believe me" he replied. Bruce stared off into space for a moment. Then he walked purposefully over to a haphazardly parked car and opened the door. "Let me give you a ride home" Bruce blurted out. Jack's eyes widened in surprise. "Sure" he stammered and he climbed into the passenger seat. What on earth are you doing? Bruce asked himself as he started the engine. Why on earth was he giving Jack a lift? They were greatest enemies for crying out loud, it wasn't normal. "Can I put the radio on?" Jack asked nervously after an extremely long silence. Bruce merely nodded.

*Baby, can't you see. I'm calling. A guy like you should wear a warning. It's dangerous. I'm falling.*

Bruce grimaced as the voice of Britney Spears issued from the speakers. Jack on the other hand was having the time of his life. He was dancing in his seat, singing along and smiling. You wouldn't think to look at him that he had nearly been the victim of a mugging just a few minutes before. Bruce watched him out of the corner of his eye, trying hard not to smile. He felt much calmer now than he had earlier on.  
He told himself it was just an after effect of the adrenaline rush from the fight. He didn't really believe it though. A pink and orange sunrise glowed over Gotham city as they pulled up outside an abandoned looking warehouse. Jack got out of the car and lent against Bruce's open car window. "Thanks for the lift" he said "and thanks for saving my life. I'll never forget it Batsy." Bruce's face drained of all colour as Jack, realising hat he had just said, clapped his hands over his mouth. "How long have you known Joker?! How do you know?!" Bruce yelled, grabbing hold of Jack by his jacket. "I've known for ages!" Jack cried "It's not exactly hard to figure out, I'm surprised more people haven't made the connection to be honest. Don't worry though, I'd never tell anyone. What would be the point? If everyone found out you'd have to stop being Batman and where would I be then? You mean so much more to me than that." He stopped abruptly and bit his lip, making it bleed again. He had said too much. Bruce let go of his jacket. "I'm sss ... I'm so... I'm sorry" he managed finally. Jack blinked rapidly, trying to take it in. "How did you know it was me?" he asked eventually after a long pause.

"Honestly J-bird it takes more than a change of clothes and some hair dye to fool me. Besides, calling me Batsy was a bit of a give away."

Jack thought he detected a hint of amusement in his voice. "So you gave me a lift even though you knew it was me? Wow. Thanks I guess" Jack replied "Well good night."  
He blew Bruce a playful kiss. He could have sworn he caught a glimpse of a blush creeping up Bruce's cheeks. Smiling to himself Jack turned and began to walk away. Red faced, Bruce watched as Jack started to leave. Without thinking about it he called "Jack! I...I have this dinner I have to go to on Saturday and I was wondering whether you would go with me!" Jack froze. Damn it what have I done? Why did I do that? Bruce thought. Jack stared at him, dumbstruck. "Do you really mean it?" he whispered "You want to go with me?" He looked so vulnerable. "Yes" replied Bruce hesitantly "I really would." He gripped the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles turned white, terrified what the answer would be. "Oh Batsy, I'd love to come!" Jack gasped, bursting into tears and grinning at the same time."Good" said Bruce stiffly, feeling happy but extremely awkward. "Gotham city grand hotel at 7:30pm. I'll meet you there." He started the car. Looking back he added "By the way, I think Jack suits you." Then Bruce sped off into the dawn before Jack could reply. In a happy daze Jack went inside, washed the dye out of his hair and put on his pyjamas. It was just as he was getting into bed, trying to ignore the sound of Killer Croc and Crazy Quilt fighting over the tv remote, that he remembered the speech about Batman he had made at McDonalds. With a groan Joker buried his face in his hands. He felt as though he was going to die of embarrassment.

It was 7:40 pm on Saturday. Bruce, wearing his usual white tuxedo, was sat alone at a table inside the Gotham city grand hotel. This was a terrible idea he thought as he tapped his fingers nervously on the table top. Wait, Batman didn't get nervous. He wished he hadn't come but Alfred had insisted, he said Bruce needed to work on his public image. Inviting Jack hadn't been part of the plan and Bruce had yet to mention it to anyone. They would certainly panic and he didn't blame them. Even he was half expecting to find out about a hidden bomb or some similar scheme before the night was over. That was of course if Jack showed up at all. He was other people present, who had until no been milling around drinking and talking, began to take their seats. A blonde woman with a dark tan and a rather revealing dress stopped at his table. "You know, I didn't expect to find Gotham's most eligible billionaire bachelor sitting alone. Would you like some company?" she asked in a seductive whisper. Bruce glanced at her momentarily. Gold digger, he knew the signs. "No thanks" he replied gruffly "I'm waiting for someone." She pouted. "Are you sure? Things will be starting soon. It doesn't look as though the person you're waiting for is going to make it. Their loss" she added with a wink. "No thanks" Bruce repeated firmly. He stood up and looked around the room desperately. Then he saw him.

*Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight. It must have been something you said. I just died in your arms tonight.*

It was like all the air had suddenly been sucked out of the room. Bruce's stomach felt as though it had just performed a back flip. He watched, as if in slow motion, as Jack entered the room. He was dressed in a black suit and shirt with a bright yellow tie. His pale skin contrasting perfectly with the smokey black eye shadow and the deep, dark matte red lipstick. Jack glanced around and spotted Bruce. He walked over to him. "Hi. Sorry I'm a bit late. I couldn't decide what to wear" he said apologetically, holding out his hand. As they shook hands Bruce caught a glimpse of Jack's cufflinks, they were bright yellow and in the shape of bats. Jack then noticed the blonde woman who for some reason was still hanging round. "Could we get 2 glasses of water please. Also, if it's not too much trouble, could we see the wine list?" he asked. His voice was cheerful but his eyes were cold and a malicious smiled played upon his lips. With a look that said she'd like nothing better than to slap him she turned on her heel and stalked off. Jack laughed softly to himself. Even Bruce couldn't stop a snort of laughter escaping. They took their seats. "You...look...nice" Bruce whispered, taking a sudden interest in his shoes. Jack blushed and promptly dropped his fork. "So, what is all this about?" he asked once he had returned from retrieving his fork. He gestured vaguely around the room. "Some fancy dinner. I think there might be a charity auction afterwards. To be honest I don't really know. I'm only here because Alfred said it would be good for PR" Bruce replied without interest.

"Is this what life as Bruce Wayne is like? Going to things that you don't like just so people can take your photo. That's actually quite sad."

Jack's eyes were filled with pity as he gazed across the table at his date. Bruce nodded then decided to steer the conversation away from himself.

"So what do you do in your spare time? You know, when you're not..."

"Blowing stuff up?" Jack finished the sentence for him. He grinned. "All sorts. I go roller skating with Harley. I hang out at the casino sometimes, just so I can beat them at their own game. Mario cart, a bit of stand up comedy card tricks, dancing at clubs. A bit of everything really" he replied. Bruce clenched his fists as a wave of jealousy washed over him. "Sounds nice. Fun" he commented, voice tense. The grin faded off Jack's face. "It's not as great as it sounds" he admitted. "If it was I wouldn't have to do so much of it. Just because I'm busy it doesn't mean I'm happy." Bruce stared at him with sudden clarity. Jack was actually making a lot of sense. "I only feel alive when I'm with you" Jack added quietly. Bruce was saved having to respond to that as the waiter had just arrived to take their orders. A long awkward silence followed. "So how is Robin?" Jack asked, unable to stand it any longer. Bruce latched onto the question like a drowning man grabbing hold of a life buoy. The rest of the dinner was spent listening to Bruce talk about Robin. To be honest Jack didn't mind, it was just nice to see Bruce happy. Besides, he was quite fond of the kid himself but who in Gotham wasn't? It turned out there was an auction but neither of them bought anything. Jack doubted antique vases would really go with the "circus gone psycho" theme of his home d cor. Deciding to leave early they headed out of one of the back doors in an attempt to avoid the cameras. "Thanks for coming" said Bruce hesitantly "it was nice having someone with me for a change." "That's ok" Jack replied with a smile "thanks for inviting me. I had a great time." "That's good" Bruce muttered. He felt Jack's hands slowly grasp hold of his own. "Do you remember when we saved the city by holding hands?" Jack asked quietly.

"Yes, I remember."

He looked up into Bruce's face to find Bruce staring intently at him. Just do it. You might never get another chance Jack thought. Finally he made his decision and throwing caution to winds lent forward. Their lips met. For a moment Bruce didn't respond. Jack panicked and, thinking he was being rejected, was about to pull back but then he felt Bruce's grip on his hands tighten as he began to kiss back. It was truly the most wonderful moment of Jack's life. After a while they broke apart, resting their foreheads against each other. "I love you Batsy" Jack sighed. No reply. He bit his lip and waited. He knew Bruce wasn't very good at expressing his feelings. Jack knew he'd have to be patient but the pain of uncertainty was already more than he could stand. "I love you too J-bird" a deep voice said. Jack felt tears well up in his eyes as Bruce lent forward and kissed him again.

"YAY! WELL DONE BAT-DAD!"

Bruce jumped back as though he had received an electric shock and looked around wildly. Unnoticed by either of them Bruce's limo had pulled up beside them and Robin, wearing red and green pyjamas baring the saying "Tweet tweet on the street", was leaning out of the back window. His eyes were as wide as saucers and he was grinning from ear to ear. "What are you doing here?" Bruce asked, almost too flustered to speak. "I had a bad nightmare. I tried really hard to go back to sleep but I just couldn't so Alfred said I could come with him when he came to collect you" Robin replied. He was practically bursting with excitement. Suddenly he found that he couldn't contain it anymore. "Does this mean I get another dad?! Is Joker going to move in with us?! Are you going to get married?!" he squealed, jumping up and down. "Yes of course" Jack practically screamed back, he was just as excited as Robin. Bruce froze with shock. Moving in?! Marriage?! He started to hyperventilate. He hadn't thought about any of this. What was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to say? He felt a hand touch his shoulder.

"Sir."

Bruce automatically aimed a punch which Alfred dodged with ease. "Sorry" Bruce gasped. Alfred waved the apology aside. "Sir, if I may offer some advice" he said. Bruce nodded. "I understand this must be quite a frightening prospect for you and by all means take as long as you need to, to think about it. However, I personally think that you should embrace this. I am fully aware of Master Joker's ... shall we say questionable interests and personality traits but even I can not deny that you are perfect for each other. I know you are scared of commitment but trust me when I say that I truly feel that this is what will make you happy. Make all of us happy. You have to remember Bruce, that even though it may seem that things are happening very quickly but you and Joker have known one another for decades. I don't mean to push you, in fact that is the last thing I want to do. I just don't want you to throw away your chances unless you are sure it's what you want. Whatever you decide to do though I just want you to know that I am proud of you. I always have been and always will. I am sure that if your parents could see you know they would be proud of you too" Alfred finished. Bruce didn't respond. He looked over at Robin and Jack, who were excitedly planning a trip to the local roller disco, as he let the full impact of Alfred's words sink in. It was then that he realised that he had known what he wanted all along. He walked over to were Jack was standing. Jack looked up at him, suddenly serious. "I'm sorry" he began "I got over excited. I should have asked..." "When do you want to move in?" Bruce interrupted. "You can move in tonight if you want but if you would rather wait for a couple of weeks then that's fine." He smiled at the look on Jack's face. "You mean it?" the clown prince of crime whispered. "Yes I do" the dark knight replied with a laugh. "Oh Batsy!" Jack cried as he threw his arms around the billionaire's neck. "I'll go and get my stuff now. Oh, I can't wait to tell Harley. This is brilliant." Grinning like idiots they got into the back of the limo with Robin. "Alfred, take us to Joker's warehouse then home" Bruce instructed.

"Ok, I'll be back in 10 minutes tops" Jack called, jumping out of the car. He dashed in through the front door then screeched to a halt. The whole gang, with Harley stood in front, was crammed into the sitting room. "Tell us everything" demanded Harley as she pointed at the tv. The screen was paused on a blurred photo of Jack and Bruce kissing under the caption "Who is billionaires mystery man?" Jack grinned. "Well" he said, trying to act calm "he asked me out to dinner. We kissed, he told me he loved me and then asked me I wanted to move in with him. I said right now." There was an awed silence them "Oh Boo-boo! I'm so happy for you" Harley screamed as she pulled him into a hug. The others clapped and cheered. Condiments King sent squirts of ketchup and mustard flying in all directions out of excitement. "Come on, lets get packing" Jack beamed, grabbing Harley by the hand.

Bruce was stood next to the car waiting. He looked up when he heard the door to the warehouse open but his face went pale when he saw the gang of super villains marching towards him. "You listen to me" Harley snapped, getting right up in Bruce's face. "You take good care of our Puddin' you hear me? If we find out that you're not treating him right then we'll make you regret it for the rest of your life and no amount of Bat-gadgets will be able to save you." There were sounds of agreement from the rest of the group. Bruce looked over at Jack. Jack blinked up at him happily, obviously enjoying being centre of attention. "He'll be safe with me" Bruce promised. Harley beamed and joined their hands. "Good luck you guys" she said and, with parting waves, the gang headed back to the warehouse without another word.

Jack sighed happily as they sped towards Wayne manor a few minutes later. He felt so peaceful, curled up in the back of the limo with his new family. Robin had finally fallen asleep, his arms wrapped around Jack's waist. Whether Bruce was asleep or not it was impossible to say. He had his arms wrapped tight around his boyfriend and his face as buried in Jack's hair. Jack nuzzled into Bruce, wrapping his arms around his big, handsome bat. It was in that blissfully happy moment that he was finally able to think clearly. Smiling to himself he carefully extracted his phone from his pocket and dialled Harley's number.

"Hey there girl buddy. I've just had the greatest idea for robbing the bank. Do you want in?"

The end.


End file.
